Redneck Games: The Olympics of my people
Yup.
Yepp.
Oh yeah.
These are my people. Look at them. Look at my people.
If you have never lit a woman's cigarette with a torch made from beer cans, belly-flopped into a pit of mud, or played horseshoes with toilet seats, you are not living. If you did not know these exist, let me strap on my Liberty bibs, grab my 12-gauge, put a dip in, crack a cold one, sit back in my lawn chair, and get to informing you dumb city people.
I will be completely honest, I have never done the beer can torch thing, I don't have a pair of overalls, and I definitely don't dip. That's just a nasty habit. However, I have thrown toilet seats in place of horseshoes and been baptized in mud holes on multiple occasions, and let me tell you, it is so much fun.
These couple of games are all part of the Redneck Games held in East Dublin, Georgia starting in 1996 until 2012. They were made as a spoof of the Olympic Games, with games for the average redneck. Traditional redneck games include toilet seat horseshoes, corn hole (of course), mud hole belly flop competition, bobbing for pigs' feet, watermelon seed spitting, and armpit serenade.
Visitors commonly dress like rednecks, I mean, look at those shorts that guy is wearing in the second picture. Been a while since I have seen someone wearing shorts like that. A bit more uncomfortable when they are on a guy who is pulling a cooler around on a broken lawn mower. Come on, man. Those are way too short. And that lawn mower could look way better. It is like he never even heard of paint. Put some flames on it, for Pete's sake. Great idea, poor execution.
Most people think about football when they think what most small town's biggest sport is. Or at least baseball. These people are correct, but at the same time, small town usually is the equivalent of redneck nation. These redneck sports have got to be the epitome of small town sports. Horseshoes with toilet seats are definitely one of the best things that I have heard of in a long time.
If I had a say in the matter, and if it is not already a part of the games, I think extreme mudding should be added to the list. A bunch of rednecks in jacked up trucks slinging mud up into the sky. Hank and Waylon blasting from speakers. You have to admit that that is the best thing. I don't even need to be there to know that that is the best thing ever. While we are adding things on, how about pulling competitions? Hitch trucks together and see whose truck is better? These games would be so freaking awesome.
If you learn anything from what I am typing right now, it should be that rednecks are better than anyone. That should eb what you get from this. If you want to argue, don't bother. You are wrong.
We are great.
Rednecks are great.
Yee yee.
